Merry Christmas Everyone! I hope this finds you in good health and much happiness.

Well here we are again except now we have a two year old. How did this happen? We were thinking about taking out Hazel's pituitary glands so she would stay the same but I think we waited too long and now we have passed the point of no return. She is two and very good at it. I believe the "Terrible Twos" isn't a bad thing it's just the convergence of two things at once. First, her developmental skills and dexterity have come together and her brain acts as a sponge exploring all the new things she can now do. The second thing is for the last two years her parents have gone without sleep and are very tired. Those two things come crashing together and there is little wonder who will win the battles.

I'll start with my favorite topic, me of course. I have successfully been able to avoid employment for another year but I believe when I was manging 150 people who spoke little English, over three states and managing a $5 mil a year budget was easier than being a stay at home dad. If I had one thing to say about being a SAHD it would be.... I love it. I am getting fat but I love it. Coming up with challenging things for Hazel is becoming more difficult since she has surpassed my intelligence and is closing in on her mother.

Melissa has been in the busy time of year at work. It generally starts around January 1st and runs through Dec 31. But the rest of the time she just sits on her butt and screws off. This year was no different. If you looked up the meaning of "Working Mom" in the dictionary you'd see a picture of Melissa. She never ceases to amaze me with her ability to keep me happy, work 26

hours a day and find time to be a great mother. I don't know how she does it but she does and does it very well.

Where do I start with Hazel? It's strange that half of her life is only 1 year but she has packed more into that one year than I have in the past 20 years of mine. It's just plain amazing the things she has done and continues to do in spite of who takes care of her each day.

I have gotten her to use 80's slang.

Once I got the back yard in she became an experienced moto cross racer.

Visited the beach a few times.

Experienced the daily struggles and discrimination of the average Dutch person.

Had to wear a ridiculous poncho her dad made for her.

Came in third place for the Heisman.

Passed her survival swim (jumped in the pool fully clothed, and floated for 5 minutes without any help).

Turned two!

Picked out a the perfect Christmas Tree.

And met Santa. Mom's cleavage is hanging out, Dad's bald spot was mistaken for a solar flare from the flash and Hazel was very excited to see Santa..... until she saw Santa.

We did lose of good friend of many years. Rocky passed away earlier this month. He was a good friend and we will miss him very much. I farted in the car the other day and it smelled like his breath, it made me miss him all the more.

I am looking forward to next year. It should be a good year for us. The back yard will have a bit more time to grow grass. We are planning a trip or two and possibly a quick trip to Europe. I can't wait to see what gets thrown our way. Team Hazel is ready.

I hope to see you all next year and I hope the world is kind to you and all your loved ones.

You can keep up on youtube if you like also.

Klein/Arne X-mas Letter 2008

What a year, what a year.  If you're like me you can't wait one second more for this year to end.  But wait you'll have to wait: (leap).  What will I do in the extra time?  Perhaps I'll work on my target shoe throwing, calculate the depreciation in my investments or just adjust my expectations for Barack Obama in the coming year.  On a serious note I now would proudly tell people in another country that I am an American if I could only afford to travel out of my house.  But this is a X-mas letter to fill in the blanks of what our nucular (sorry, 8 years of GW has worn on me) family has been doing over the last year.  I meant to start one last year but Hazel crashed the party early and has been hogging the spotlight since.

Let me start by saying Rocky is still alive despite all my efforts otherwise.  He is 14 now and my guess he will be pissing me off for many more to come.  Once we got the upstairs finished he decided that he likes to crap on carpeting more then hardwood floors.  This has pleased me to no end since buying the most expensive carpeting and 4 inch memory foam floor pad made by NASA scientists (the good ones, not the ones who don't believe in dinosaurs) has allowed our dog to punch a grumpy on a softer surface.    Kudos to you Rocky.  I'll miss you when you're gone but until then you'll be lucky to see tomorrow.

Melissa is in a truly recession proof industry.  If you think we need to stop crime you should shut your mouth.  Without crime I'd have to work!  Obviously after Hazel was born Melissa wanted to ease her way back into work and only go half days.  He first "half day" back was Jan 2nd and on the 3rd she had 3 hours of overtime and it hasn't slowed since.  Two weeks ago she felt a bit tired and found she worked 71 hours in 4 days.  I can't remember working 71 hours in a month....Ever!

To keep up with the CSI craze her department had issued new designer outfits to match the clothes the stars wear.  Who is the designer label that will be sported by Criminalist Melissa you ask?  Versace, Dolce Gabbana or maybe Prada?  Nope it's Tyvek.  The latest in Class 2 bio suits.  Nothing says "sexy" like a rebreather!

In all seriousness Melissa has done an amazing job of balancing a massive work schedule, a demanding and irrational husband and a beautiful growing daughter.  She is the role model to Hazel.  All I can do is hope to not screw it up.  

Hazel has been amazing.  I was a bit disappointed that she only scored a 98% on her Trigonometry final last month but she is fluent in 4 languages.  She also has something like 57 teeth now.  She is going to need braces by the time she is 18 months.  

Hazel passed with flying colors her latest swim class.  She was the only youngster who blew bubbles and loves to swim on her back.  I might add that she was also the only child that went fully underwater but I have to believe that it probably had to do more with me.  However, Hazel is fearless and possibly an adrenalin junkie.  On the last day of the class she went down the water slide with a smile.  

This year Melissa was able to squeeze into her schedule planning a co-birthday for Hazel and me.  Hazel of course turned one and her father turned 40.  It was big fun but a bit overwhelming.  I do have to admit that I am a bit perturbed that Hazel jumped my b-day by one day and now people blow their birthday present budget on her and there is little left for me.  I was screwed again.  I might add that Melissa passed a mile stone birthday too.  Not to tell a woman's age if she lives to the cubed root of her birthday she be.... Uh?  I'll have Hazel work it out later. 

We have had lots of guests this year. Too many at times. But who can blame them?  I am an incredible host.  Oh yeah, Hazel is the cutest baby too.  We have seen visitors for New York, Minnesota, Colorado, California (NoCal and SoCal) and all points beyond (i.e. some Cold War Eastern Block country).  

Hazel has the best of all worlds with generous Grandmas and wonderful aunts and uncles.  We received so much stuff at her baby shower we didn't need to buy clothes for her until right before her birthday and that was a mistake because her birthday brought even more stuff!  

Hazel is turning into quite the person.  She looks like her mommy but acts like her daddy.  She does have my eyes and there is a lot of devil in them.  She is manipulative in ways that can only be truly appreciated by a Klein.  She is almost walking, has a vocabulary of 10-15 words, loves playing on daddy's laptop and was on Obama's short list for Secretary of State.  She is so smart and loves books too.  I hope she continues with her mother's intelligence and will combine that with my joy of stepping on the little people to get to the top.  Nothing can stop this child. 

As for me.  Well I am doing okay.  40 was a bit tough.  If I live to be 80 it's half over.  But on the bright side if I live to be 160 it's only 25% over!  I'm ever the optimist.  As many of you know I left the working world and have yet to look back.  Thank dog we elected a socialist so those rich bastards can start spreading some of that wealth my way.  I don't understand what those "stay at home moms" bitch about.  This is so easy.  I start my day with a fifth of vodka and just let the day take me from there.  Hazel takes care of herself.  Sure Rocky craps on the floor a time or two but it's the cost of doing business I guess.

I could go on for days and I generally do.  I like to read my words almost as much as I like the sound of my own voice. I have summed things up into talking points to streamline the rest of this letter:

Health:

We are fine.  Except I keep coming up with inventive ways to cut my fingers off and two out of the three of us have diaper rash.  And I broke my ankle.

Finacially:

Sound as a pound.  All things are fine there.  Crime pays time and a half.  My thoughts on the mortgage crisis though is that people who made bad decisions are being rewarded.  We made quality decisions and get to pay for idiots.  Moral is: being an idiot pays.  We have been forced to sell our high performance Italian sports car though.  Know any buyers?

Politically:  

This is the first year where nearly everything I voted for won.  You'd think I feel great but I don't.  You see if you get everything you want and it gets worse, you're to blame.  But seriously, eventually you have to hit bottom and there is no way we can get worse.

Work: 

Melissa gets all the glory there.  She continues to be recognized as one of the best in her profession.  They have started to give the award for "Employee of the Year" to the second place person.  She is the Michael Jordan of CSI.  She amazes me each day with her ability to balance a crazy world, a crazy husband and a beautiful girl.  

My hope is this blog finds you in good health with love, hope and peace in your heart.

Merry Christmas from all of us here.

For videos of the last year go here.